Entry 4

RazSpark the Giant Killer

It was early morning when we set off on the two day march to the encampment of the Giant and his hoard of blood thirsty mercenary bandits. Normally I wouldn’t bother with such mundane matters but Crystaliss’ old friends had opened their home to us and they asked for our help to collect some animals they had paid for yet the seller refused to deliver.

After talking to the seller who I might add was a complete dick we found out the caravan containing the animals had been ambushed by a giant and his band of outlaws and that as far as he was concerned our friends and the other poor farmstead down the road was shit out of luck. “All sales are final, no refunds, and no guarantee, now get the hell off my property! It’s not like you peasant farmers are the only one who lost animals.” We started to leave because I could see we weren’t getting anywhere with this jack-hole so I turned and asked. “So what’s to keep us from keeping your animals too, if we find them?” He turned bright red and veins bulged from his neck and forehead as he shouted. “The law damn you, I’ll have the law on you if you try to pull that crap!” I’m sure he could still hear me laughing long after he had lost sight of us.

It was mid afternoon when we reached the encampment and after an hour of scouting we settled down to formulate a plan. The camp was huge and included several large tents, none of which we could see into. The others were starting to get antsy and there was even some whining of how did we get into this mess. I got up and shook my finger at them in a scolding manner, they quieted down and looked up to me with their pleading faces for the answer. I said “Look I’ll go in and scout the camp disguised as one of the bandits. Once I get a good look I will head back here and give you the rest of the plan.” The relief draining from their faces was reward enough for me even if I was going in out numbered and facing certain death if I couldn’t pull it off. Then I remember I’m talking about me.

No sooner than I had enter the encampment I was flanked by no less than two, no three dozen guards. One wearing much better armor broke the ranks, approached and demanded name and rank. I told him I was a new recruit from the mercenary pool to replace some of his recently lost men. “Mercenary pool., never heard of it.” It’s a new concept in rank replacement technology,” I answered. He looked confused and before he could ask anything else I held up a small keg. “ I pretended to be a robbery victim and hooked up with a caravan so that I could spy on them and bring them information back here. They carry 10 barrels of this wine and piles of exotic skins.” He yanked the keg from my grasp and took a sip which turned into a long swig. “10 barrels you say?” “Good man, you are free to go about the camp, grab a bed, some food and re-supply while I takes this to my leader.”

I spent the next hour checking out the camp and stumbling into tied off tent flaps to break the bonds. When questioned as to why I was in the tent, I said I was new and lost and just wanted to find the latrine before I dropped one right in the middle of the walkway, then I’d groan, and hold my stomach. That was all it took for them to point me in another direction. Even the most battle hardened warrior doesn’t want to track human waste into his bedroll.

After dusk I snuck out of the camp and made my way back to the group. I startled them when I walked into our makeshift camp. I could tell by the way they rushed toward me, they had been frightened and I noticed a few had been openly crying. I drew a map of the encampment in the dirt and marked each of the tents. While filling in details as to troop size and armament before asking for suggestions as to how we were going to pull this caper off. After what seemed like hours of mumbling one raised his hand and suggested we go home and tell everyone all the animals were dead, the others were nodding in agreement. I just stared at them and told them to stand at the edge of the encampment and that me and my STD would go in and handle it and in the mean time if any of them found their bal…I stop my ranting because I couldn’t be heard over all of the sniffling. I took a deep breath and said “Okay we will do it this way.” And just like that what I considered a workable plan involving everyone came together.

I snuck back into camp under the cover of a moonless night. The others had positioned themselves at various launching points waiting for the signal. And then it came, the cook tent went up in flames followed by the storage tent and sleeping tent on either side of the cook tent. I tossed my STD through the flag of the burning cook tent with orders to come out in ten minutes and ran through the camp shouting “FIRE, FIRE” and as the giant, his wizard and two healers came towards me I turned my duster on and launched a brutal attack into the four of them. Dust, smoke and mists of blood had filled the air by the time the others had joined in the fun.

The wizard looked dazed as he tried to make his way out of the dust storm, the two healers took an acid blast from Crystaliss and both fell to the ground screaming and slapping at their faces. The giant roared swinging a huge club and catching me off guard hitting me hard. My STD came in beside me and attempted to rip the soul from one of the fallen healers. The healer broke the STD’s grasp with the aid of the other healer and promptly healed each other. They then mumbled some chant and I found I was surrounded by a couple of skeleton warriors. But before I could counter attack Elsha the crystal chick hit them with something that knocked both healers back on their butts. From the look of the giant he too was hit. I looked at him and said. “ Take the easy and quick way out, be it by your hand or when she hits you again because what I’m about to do to will leave you in agony for eternity. He started to laugh but I stopped him by pointing to the STD who had joined me. “This is my Soul Taking Device my friend and unless you die with her next attack you will die by mine and your soul will be his to do as he wills. His dagger was quick as he plunged it into his stomach pulling it upward spilling his guts as her second attack came. The two healers fell to the ground followed by the giant still clutching the dagger, the skeletons also vanished. One brave back stabber of a bandit made a swing for me and was rewarded with a back hand as I started running for the wizard and shouting. “What I had planned for the giant I can give you just as well.” He turned white and screamed some chant vanishing in a puff a smoke.

The battle was still raging around me but since the leader were dead I thought it pointless to keep slaughtering these “bad men” so thinking quickly I turned my duster off while hacking at the giants head and as the dust settled I held up the head and let out a mighty roar and shouted. “Your leader is dead, your wizard is gone and half of your healers are also dead. The battle is won and there is no reason for us to have to kill you all.” The battle was slowing but it needed something to drive my point home so I pointed to the back stabber who I’d back handed earlier and back to the STD who quickly moved in grabbing the screaming man and slowly shucking his soul out for all to see.

Before the soulless body hit the ground orders to drop all weapons could be heard coming from what was left of the command structure.

I met with those in charge and gave them my demands and after a bit of haggling and a threat of finishing what we had started they agreed to our terms. As a gift to honor our agreement I left them with keg of Demon Touch Wine.

The trip back to the farm came without incident and Crystaliss’ friends were overjoyed at the delivery of their complete herd. The other farmstead was also thankful for the 35 animals we were able to deliver to them. I stopped by jack-holes and told him I was sorry to inform him that all of his animals had been slaughtered and that it had just been pure luck that we were able to rescue the other farmer’s animals and that the meat from his animals was still in the camp and that I’d even provide him a map to go retrieve it. He had been turning red the entire time I was talking and looked like his head was about to pop off, his mouth open and some shrill senseless sounds poured out ending with one understandable word “law”. He took a much needed breath as I was reaching into my bag and started on another rant but stopped short as I dangled the head of the giant before him. Its lifeless eyes stared at him and caused the blood to drain from his face, his words trailed off. I shook the head at him and said. “This is what happen to the last guy who pissed me off. I don’t like trouble makers, they tend to die around me. Do you get my drift?” “So as far as you are concerned your animals are dead and you are overjoyed that we were able to make good on your delivery to your customers.” His mouth was moving but nothing was coming out. “I only want to hear one word from you.” I told him as I turned to leave. His soundless mouth was still working but I could have sworn I heard “Yes” as I was leaving his property, but I guess that could have been the wind.


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